How to create a database

Can some one tell me how to build a database
I'd like to build it using assembler
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assembler
How can you do that?This is from memory, so you may have to tweak it a little:

00100101010101010101010111011011010101101011001100 10101101...|||what's a database?|||Can some one tell me how to build a database

I'd like to build it using assembler

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assembler

How can you do that?
Come on, Brett. This sounds like a homework assignment to me. What have you come up with so far?|||All I did was come here asking for help...my assignment is due in 2 hours

Someone PLEASE HELP ME|||Can some one tell me how to build a database
I'd like to build it using assembler

I personally feel INTERCAL is much better suited for this task, or perhaps BEFUNGE.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercal
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Befunge|||It's funny that the intercal language looks a lo like the code my peers write...maybe I should be doing it that way|||The best feature of INTERCAL is that it's so "forgiving". From the wikipedia article:

Anything the compiler can’t understand, which in a normal language would result in a compilation error, is just skipped. This “forgiving” feature makes finding bugs very difficult; it also introduces a unique system for adding program comments.|||well i got an f on the project...thanks guys|||Wow, in hex that's the highest grade possible! You should be proud.

-PatP|||well i got an f on the project...thanks guys

don't worry, you can always go work for Accenture. They are always looking for the kind of top talent you clearly have. Wear a tie for the interview.|||...and wear it very tight.|||...and polished leather shoes. not sneakers. they got a big building up the way here very spiffy dressers.

i have to say I am not a big fan of the one programmer that left here for there.|||Wow, in hex that's the highest grade possible! You should be proud.

-PatP

roflmso!

Pat.owned.yoo|||Wow, in hex that's the highest grade possible! You should be proud.

-PatP

I never thought of it that way...Thanks

I finally built a database though...using stone knives and bearskins.|||I finally built a database though...using stone knives and bearskins.

And what do you call it!? MS Access?|||I think Brett meant beerskins. Beerskins are these nifty aluminum cylinders that the merchants here wrap around a 350 ml serving of a slightly flavored, slightly alcoholic beverage the locals seem quite fond of (at least most of the time). The kids at the local universities and trade schools seem to build darn near anything out of the empty skins!

-PatP|||Is that what they mean when they say "We use every part of the beer"?|||Funny you should say that...my database design is fairly cylindrical

Only problem is it is mostly an export database...nothing rarley goes in...except for perhaps sql prf tuning (boiler maker)

There is also the new shot gun sql commands...|||OK I have two windows 98 machines, with MS Access 97 on one and flash installed on the other. I need to create a web based order inventory system that produces inventory and accounting reports and it needs to support 2000 concurrent users. I have a form with some input boxes I created in flash. Now how do I make my form web visible and how do I save the user input to Access?|||I never thought of it that way...Thanks

I finally built a database though...using stone knives and bearskins.

If you need an answer this sites great

if you need an answer in less than a couple of days you could be up a very unpleasent stream without a paddle.|||I find your signature repugnant, especially in the sql server forum. If you do not like the man's software, do not use it, but you can not hate someone for being a successful capitalist and if this is your gripe, go to Cuba or Venzuela or North Korea.|||in a minute some jerk is going to say "he stole windows". From who? Apple? Apple took the idea from Xerox.|||I'm sorry it offends you, however it's a signature not something meant to be taken seriously|||joking about murder is not funny. btw, how about checking your spelling on murdering.

Now tell me what your problem with Bill Gates is? Has he not given away enough billions for you to forgive him?

Tell me what languages and environments you program in?|||OK I have two windows 98 machines, with MS Access 97 on one and flash installed on the other. I need to create a web based order inventory system that produces inventory and accounting reports and it needs to support 2000 concurrent users. I have a form with some input boxes I created in flash. Now how do I make my form web visible and how do I save the user input to Access?Oh I like the easy ones!

First, buy up one of the local high schools. I'm sure that they're just going to waste anyway with a captain of industry like yourself in the area!

Do a print-screen of your form, and run it down to the office. Ask the secretary to trace your form onto a mimeograph master for you and run off at least a hundred thousand copies. She'll roll her eyes, but I'm sure that she's used to such requests.

Ask the AV guy to run phone banks into the school to support at least 2500 stations. He may need to get some more wire and handsets, so be sure to budget a few hundres dollars... He'll be able to do if for half that, but you want to keep him happy and encourage speed.

Set up both of your machines in the library. It should already have everything else you need, atlthough you might want to bring an extension cord just in case.

Bring in several thousand folks to answer the phone and fill out the mimeographed forms. You'll need some extras to haul the boxes of completed forms to the library.

Ask the librarian to key your data for you. They type fast, and are used to requests like this too.

Voila! You are in business!

-PatP|||You see this sort of sig every so often. Not a fan myself:
http://www.dbforums.com/showpost.php?p=6251757&postcount=6180

Rather out of proportion and not in the least funny either IMO.|||If you need an answer this sites great

if you need an answer in less than a couple of days you could be up a very unpleasent stream without a paddle.

Days? I expect an answer in minutes...at least that's what I'm used to

EDIT: perhaps I need a team...a sql team|||You see this sort of sig every so often. Not a fan myself:
http://www.dbforums.com/showpost.php?p=6251757&postcount=6180

Rather out of proportion and not in the least funny either IMO.

five dollars says the dude is a VBA\Access programmer.|||If you are going to have a sql team you will need a forum to discuss database issues (typically abbreviated as db) ... a dBforum|||five dollars says the dude is a VBA\Access programmer.

Lists his occupation as "VB Developer" :D
Must not like Bill's way of doing things, but is willing to make money from his developments.|||Virtually Bombastic?|||Lists his occupation as "VB Developer" :D
Must not like Bill's way of doing things, but is willing to make money from his developments.

exactly. it's one thing to take this kind of thing from the linux\apache\php kids but most of the time it is just some hypocrite|||Who says murder can't be funny?

Anything is fair game, but the catch is IT HAS TO BE FUNNY.
Personally, I do not find timoney's sig offensive. Just cliche' and dull.|||as they say, comedy = tragedy + time

so murder may become funny if you wait long enough.|||as they say, comedy = tragedy + time

Well that pretty much describes where I work|||although it negatively impacts my career, I rarely wait for time to pass to laugh at our tragedies.|||Days? I expect an answer in minutes...at least that's what I'm used to

EDIT: perhaps I need a team...a sql team

You might get a reply in a couple of minutes but it normally takes at least a few post going back and forth to get to an answer and for people new to databases you've also got to gauge their knowledge. mind you I'm on GMT so that might add to my round time as alot of people here are from the US and Canada.

joking about murder is not funny. btw, how about checking your spelling on murdering.

Now tell me what your problem with Bill Gates is? Has he not given away enough billions for you to forgive him?

Tell me what languages and environments you program in?

my problem with Microsoft is mainly with their business practises, they have a habit of doing anything to improve their sale including stealing as long as the fines are less than the profits. their product in the past have rarely been up to standard until about a years worth of patching. i have no problem with him making money but the end doesn't justify the means.

as for what i work in it C, C++, C#, DBase, Haskell, Java and Visual Basic
environment are Unix, Linux and Windows|||i have no problem with him making money but the end doesn't justify the means.I have no problem with you having a problem with MS & Bill, nor putting it in your sig if you really feel the need. But the end doesn't justify the means.|||what is stealing in programming and tell me what he stole. Windows? Apple took that from Xerox. So is Steve Jobs to be hung out as well? Did he steal SQL Server? That looked like a legitimate deal with Sybase. Show me a programmer who has not used someone elses code or took an idea and built further upon it. What exactly did he steal that was not already stolen?

their product in the past...

OK I remember how often Windows 95 used to crash, and yes there have been a lot of security patches and problems over the years but when you have 90+ % of the market, 90+ % of the black hat hackers are going to be spending 90+ percent of their energy screwing with your systems.

Ethical business practices? I do not think I have ever worked for any business that I would say has been totally clean in all of it's actions. Business men are not saints. just open up the business section of the paper. there will likely be a story about some nefarious scheme gone awry.

everyone is a scumbag, so stop being a player hater.|||I heard of this new technology that will make my databasse "go faster"

I think it's called Mauve...anyone else hear abouth this?|||It is well known that data that is not moving is virtually worthless to you and your business. The measure of how well your data is moving is the color shift of the data. This is very analogous to the color shift of astronomical bodies. For example, if you have a data publication system such as a data dictionary, or a reporting system, then your data will be red-shifted, as your data is moving away from you to your clients. If you have an OLTP system that is collecting data from all customers, then your data will be blue shifted, as it streaks towards you. Any DBA worth knowing monitors the color shift of the data in addition to disk I/O rates, and buffer cache hit ratios. If you have never done this before, do not worry, you can pick up an interferometer that can measure the color shift at just about any electronics store.

I would not trust a mauve system, as it seems to have data flowing in and out at great speeds. The wake created by the two opposing streams of data may cause great turbulence in the luminiferous aether, which will cause your network a great deal of headaches.

(And I thought I was not going to be able to use the word "interferometer" today"|||you are all wrong. you should be coding your database in OpenGL.|||what is stealing in programming and tell me what he stole. Windows? Apple took that from Xerox. So is Steve Jobs to be hung out as well? Did he steal SQL Server? That looked like a legitimate deal with Sybase. Show me a programmer who has not used someone elses code or took an idea and built further upon it. What exactly did he steal that was not already stolen?

their product in the past...

OK I remember how often Windows 95 used to crash, and yes there have been a lot of security patches and problems over the years but when you have 90+ % of the market, 90+ % of the black hat hackers are going to be spending 90+ percent of their energy screwing with your systems.

Ethical business practices? I do not think I have ever worked for any business that I would say has been totally clean in all of it's actions. Business men are not saints. just open up the business section of the paper. there will likely be a story about some nefarious scheme gone awry.

everyone is a scumbag, so stop being a player hater.

I will admit it's hard to find documented proof due to Microsoft's practise of Buying off the opposition and having all records relating to these cases sealed, however one of the best examples is

Digital Research V Microsoft and IBM - Digital Research took Microsoft and IBM to court over over allegations that MS-DOS and its PC-DOS variant were simply rip- offs of Digital Research's CP/M operating system. In the courtroom Gary Kildall sat down at an IBM PC supplied by IBM and, using a secret code, got it to pop up a Digital Research copyright notice.

But there are numerous cases were Microsoft are accused of deliberately changing their OS to make it incompatible with competitors software, See Sun Microsystems V Microsoft, Be V Microsoft, AT&T V Microsoft, Bristol Technologies V Microsoft, Borland V Microsoft, etc

and these case involve the direct use of other companies patented products which Microsoft are accused of either stealing or obtaining via deceit
Intertrust Technology V Microsoft, Eolas V Microsoft, Goldtouch V Microsoft, Caldera V Microsoft & IBM, Spyglass V Microsoft, Syn'x Relief V Microsoft, Stac V Microsoft, etc

From http://www.aaxnet.com/topics/msinc.html

Have a look it makes some interesting reading

and You've misstated your facts Apple sued Microsoft because Gates was under contract to them when he developed windows. meaning thats they owned the intellectual property rights. Apple agreed to settle out of Court when Microsoft offered to lease the code they'd used from them. Xerox then tried to sue apple over the idea of a GUI, it lost because the idea didn't belong to Xerox. Later Microsoft did it again however the contract apple had signed to lease it's code to Microsoft made no mention of version and Microsoft sucessfully argued that it applied to all version of the code not just to the one that it was created for.